I just had a follow-up appointment with another doctor in my OB's practice so that I could turn in my 24-hour pee test and take a non-stress test (NST) for the babies. In the office, my blood pressure was up. Again. I tried to tell them it was from me walking from my car while carrying a giant jug of pee (GJOP), but they weren't buying it. I'm not kidding though, it was a big jug! Regardless, I have to wait until tomorrow or Friday to get the results on the GJOP.
In the interim, I learned the following today: (1) The babies looked good on the NST, and (2) the doctor estimated that I only have 2-3 weeks left before they'll make me deliver because of blood pressure issues. The latter made me cry. On the way home, I tried to figure out why that prognosis felt like she was saying that I only had 2-3 weeks to live; it's because if my children are born at 35 to 36 weeks, it is almost certain that I have 2-3 weeks before my children are taken away from me. Yes, I understand that they would be going to the NICU, but the thought of not being able to hold them close -- or possibly having to leave the hospital without them -- is heartbreaking to me. And before you tell me to keep it together because they will still likely be quite healthy at that age,
millions of other women have survived this, and it would likely
only be for a short time, let me remind you that I'm pregnant, which means I'm automatically allowed not to have some perspective!
Right now, I'm sad.
Ohhhhhh, sweetie!!! Noooo! This is EXACTLY what you didn't want! Ugh! Why don't babies do what we want them to do? I feel like this is slightly similar (although not nearly the same)to when I had a C-section scheduled for the 20th and I said, please Curveball, please don't come early. I still have things to do to prepare for you to get here. And what did she do? Came early!! And I STILL had to have a C-section! So I won't tell you not to worry about this. Or not to be sad. You have my permission to do both. I will just say two words that I hope will make you feel a little bit better: Cary. Dean.
ReplyDeleteBorn 34 weeks, 5 days. Ahem. Now, masters of I've Been Working on the Railroad, and the Itsy Bitsy Spider. And geniuses. And cute!
That's all I'm sayin' ....
And now, I will pray. :-)
That's all I'm saying.