Something funny happened on my way back to sanity

A couple days ago, I decided to stop flailing about as if my head were independent of my body, and actually try to make sense of my children.  I was tired of being tired, of not knowing why they were taking turns torturing me, sleeping for only minutes at a time and crying for no reason.  Then I made the best twin-parenting move I've ever made (and trust me, there are literally two good moves to choose from):  I started documenting everything:  when they woke up, when they got cranky, when they ate, when they pooped...and lo and behold, a pattern emerged immediately.  I can't believe I had been treating them as a unit, expecting them to sleep at the same time if they were fed at approximately the same time, but duh, they're two separate people.

I am a dumbass.  Samantha and Conor, please forgive me.

Generally speaking, my children cry if they are hungry, tired, or poopy.  The first two happen at predictable times, although the times are different for each of them.  That means that during the last two days, I've been better able to anticipate their needs.  It also means my children are not trying to torture me.  Yet.

This knowledge has made me feel at least somewhat competent, and that is a damn good feeling.  It has also led to this:

Look, they're sleeping in their cribs!  At the same time!

Yes, I know he's supposed to sleep on his back. 

And look, they're sleeping on the couch!  At the same time!  (That blue blob at the top of the picture is Samantha.)  Did this sleep last for just minutes?  No!  They took real naps for 1-2 hours! 

Yep, still not sleeping on his back.

And look!  There's much less crying and much more alert and happy time! (You'll have to trust me that they're both happy - they didn't want to smile at the same time.)

I'm so glad I'm now getting it together...one whole week before my maternity leave is over (insert dramatic eye roll here).

Random 1:45 am thought

Darth Vader was the proud parent of multiples.

Losing weight

(Hi Karen and Candice!)

A few weeks ago, I said that I started at Physician's Weight Loss Centers.  I've lost three pounds to date.  Yep, I'm one Chipotle burrito away from my starting weight.  To be fair, after the first week, I pretty much said, "%!#$! this, I need chocolate."  Here's why: I had been given a short list of allowable foods, and the list did not account for the fact that I'm a pescetarian, so the list was even more limited for me.  From that list, I was allowed 1000 calories per day.  And there was no mention of exercise which I think is crucial (not that I've been doing it, but that's not the point).  I might've been more successful had I paid more attention to my nurse/saleswoman's explanation of why I should starve every day for the next four months (seriously, that's how long this was supposed to go on), but after she advised me that all carbs are bad, I started mentally preparing my defense for slapping the woman.

Put in simple terms, this is how the diet has worked out for me:

7 days of dieting with everything off limits + the thought of 3 more months and 3 weeks of the same + my mother's extra hands to take care of babies =

Coconut Shrimp with Pina Colada Dipping Sauce

 +

Chocolate Chocolate Cookies

So I'm giving up on Physician's Weight Loss and going for something a little more sane:  Five Factor Fitness.  It's a very workable diet with a built-in cheat day.  It also has a good exercise plan that doesn't take more than 30 minutes or so five days per week.  Even I can find 30 minutes.  When I did this 5-week plan before, it got my stomach looking awwwwwesome.  Anyone want to join me??

In the meantime:

Coconut Shrimp with Pina Colada Dipping Sauce
2 lbs extra large shrimp, tail on
1/2 pkg sweetened coconut flakes
Batter:
3/4 cup flour
2 Tbs cornstarch
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp sugar
3/4 cup water
 Dip:
1/4 - 1/2 cup vanilla yogurt (preferably Greek)
1/4 cup pina colada drink mix (I used Bacardi concentrated mix from the freezer section)
1/4 cup crushed pineapple
2 Tbs sugar

Butterfly the shrimp.  Prepare the batter by combining all ingredients except for the coconut, and let rest 5 minutes.  Coat the shrimp with the batter, then roll in coconut.  Drop into a deep fryer set to 350 degrees and cook until golden brown (about 2 minutes).  Prepare the dip by combining all ingredients.

Btw, you can make some awesome onion rings if you take the sugar out of the batter and add instead 1 heaping tsp of garlic powder.  So good!

Cocolate Chocolate Cookies
These were just...eh (not that it stopped me from eating 2 or 7).  I'll tweak the recipe and get back to you.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

Yesterday I woke up with excitement in my heart because for Zachary and Mommy time I planned to take him to a water park that advertised that it opened from 9-10:30 on Thursdays for 1 to 5 year olds only but after I slathered my boy in sunscreen, dressed him in a cute surfing shirt, board shorts, sandals, and sunglasses, and grabbed the good camera, and after driving 30 minutes and Zachary spying the giant slide and saying that he wanted to go there, there was no one in the parking lot and the doors were closed and locked.  I asked where everyone was, I said I need to get in, I said if I don't get in my child will cry and Zachary and Mommy time will be ruined but nobody even answered.  When I tried to get a picture of Zachary looking all cute in front of the closed and padlocked gate my camera wouldn't work because my memory card was at home and then when I tried to take a picture with my cell phone my cell phone was dead.  I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

That's what it was, because when I tried to distract Zachary by telling him that I wanted to show him something (a bulldozer down the road), he saw it, grabbed my hand and told me that he wanted to show me something (the giant slide at the water park), and after looking at the slide and not understanding why we couldn't go inside there was a massive meltdown and I had to hold and comfort my child.  And when I was putting him in the car I noticed that I was wet and that he was wet and that his carseat was wet because I had put his swimmie on backwards.

And then on the way home he saw a giant slide at Burger King and said that he wanted to go there and I said, of course you can, we just need to get changed at home first and get my memory card.  And when we were at home the Husband called to say he knew of another water park for kids under 10 and that they opened at 11:30 so we could get lunch at BK, slide down the slide and then go to the water park.

On the way to the BK and in the parking lot Zachary told me repeatedly that he was going to go down the big slide all by himself and that he didn't want lunch but when we got to the play area the sign on the door said, "Playground Closed For Repairs."  If the next water park is closed, I told Zachary, I will buy you a pony.

And when we sat down to eat, my big fish was greasy and Zachary spilled half of his container of milk on his shirt and when I went to go get napkins to clean it up he spilled the second half of milk on his shorts and his seat, I hadn't brought back-up clothes, and I wasn't going to go back home again so Zachary was soaked.  It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

And when we got to the water park they charged me admission even though I was dressed in capri pants and a t-shirt and not planning on going in the water and then when we entered I realized that I was fatter than all the other mothers and I was hot and not dressed appropriately because Zachary would not go into the water so I had to carry him in and when he finally got used to the water and worked up the nerve to go down a tiny water slide he got dunked at the bottom and didn't want to down again and then two busloads of kids came in and made sure that he couldn't go down it again even if he wanted to.  And then when it was time to leave it was two hours past naptime and Zachary melted down again even after I told him that the park was closed at pool check time and that we could come back again later.

 Zachary had to ride home without clothes, his seat belts were tangled, and his carseat smelled like warm pee and milk.

And when I got home I checked my voicemail and I heard that my boss who had called last week to say he changed his mind and wanted me to stay his senior attorney and that he would work with me on my hours at home had left a message saying that he'd hired someone to fill my position.  I hope you sit on a tack! I yelled to the phone.  I hope the next time you need your senior attorney to evaluate the merit of whether a veteran is entitled to benefits based on exposure to Agent Orange and to write a judicial opinion on the fly that your senior attorney forgets her legal-research-website password, her computer gets a virus, and her printer doesn't work.

And when it got close to the time for the Husband and I to go on the date he had planned for us while my mom was in town to watch a baby and Zachary, and our daycare provider could watch the other baby, the Husband called to say that he was stuck at work and there would be no date.

The orange for my Blue Moon was moldy and I hate moldy oranges.

When I was rocking a baby there was nothing on tv or on the dvr and I hate having nothing on the dvr.

The babies melted down, the babies melted down more, Zachary's sandals went missing, the Husband came home late, Zachary was afraid of his room because he had a nightmare the other night, and I didn't get dinner until 9:30.  I waited too long to pump so I got breastmilk on my shirt, my room was a mess, Samantha woke up whenever her altimeter noted that she was descending on a bed-like surface, the light in our closet burned out, and the dog woke up Conor.

My father called to remind me that I hadn't written a thank you note to my cousin who had sent a card with $200 in cash for Samantha and Conor and I realized that I had lost the card and the cash.

And when I finally got to bed, Conor decided he wanted to eat every two hours instead of every three.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  I hear some days are like that.

Better not effin' happen again.  (Please send brownies.)

Happy moments

Three moments made me happy yesterday:

(1) Conor fell asleep without being rocked, and while lying on a flat surface.  And even though he slept for only three minutes, this moment gave me hope for the upcoming move to his crib.

(2) I dressed Samantha in a dress and with a bow in her hair.  Given my prior trepidation about any and all things girly, I see some real growth on my part. 

(3) A fine moment for gender equality during a 3 am conversation:

(The Husband has just elicited a very loud, highly satisfying, and often-elusive burp from Conor.)
The Husband:  Did you hear that?
Me (as I'm attempting unsuccessfully to burp Samantha):  Yep.  Are you trying to make me jealous?
The Husband:  No, just wanted you to know that's how we roll.
(Samantha emits a very loud, probably highly satisfying, not-terribly-elusive fart.)
The Husband (in horror): Samantha!
Me:  Oh, you heard that?  'Cuz that's how WE roll.
. . .
The Husband (to Conor): Girls are gross.

By demand...

Give the people what they want, I say.  So here it is, by demand (Tanika, if I hear this on Radio Disney, I'm blaming you):

The Watermelon Song

Oh we lo-o-ove the watermelon
It's pink and sweet and oh-so-neat
Oh we lo-o-ove the watermellllon
'Cuz it's really, really good

Zachary and Mommy buy it from the store
When it's seedless and on sale
And when we cut into it and find seeds do we stop buying it anymore?
No no no no no no

Because we lo-o-ove the watermelon
It's pink and sweet and oh-so-neat
Yes we lo-o-ove the matermelllllon
Even when it has seeds it's not supposed to have.

I know, right?

2 Month Update

It occurred to me this morning that I've been failing miserably at using this blog for its intended purpose: to save me from having to keep a baby book.  So here's what's been going on.

Samantha:  My sweet little girl now weighs about 9 lbs, 5 oz, and thus has gained over three pounds since birth!  She started out vocal, often letting us know that she needed something -- anything -- although we often weren't sure what.  More recently, she's been trusting us to fill her needs, and really only loses her mind from 7 to 8 pm EVERY NIGHT.  She sleeps well at night, and might even sleep for four hours or more if we didn't insist on waking her up to eat with her brother every three hours.  During the day, she takes frequent naps of about 10 minutes or so, but if we're holding her, or better yet, sleeping with her, she'll sleep for two or three hours.  She reaches to grab things while lying on the play mat, and she often reaches them!  She's very content in the tub.  Her crazy spiky hair is no less spiky now that it's longer, and it's just as baby soft as ever.  She smells like candy.  She's also got a gorgeous smile that she just started flashing.  I can't wait to see more!

Conor:  My sweet little boy has one heck of an appetite and has overtaken his sister in weight.  He now weighs about 9 lbs, 8 oz, and has gained almost four and a half pounds since birth.  He started out crying only when he was hungry or poopy, but has since learned that he can get attention at any time if he wails a little bit.  He's also just recently started losing his mind from 9 to 10 nightly, but it's too soon to say if it's become a bad habit.  At night, he's up to eat every three hours like clockwork, and when he wants to eat, he wants to eat NOW!  During the day, he'll sleep for minutes at a time, unless he's being held in a carrier or being snuggled for a nap, during which times he'll sleep for around an hour.  He enjoys tub time and his blue pacifier.  He can roll over from his tummy to his back.  After he's been fed and had a nap, he flashes his wide smile easily and often.  And this week, he even started giving us an awesome throaty laugh.  He got shortchanged in the hair department, but he more than makes up for it in ridiculous cuteness.

Zachary:  I recently mentioned how he's been adjusting to his new brother and sister, and not much has changed.  He still needs more time with me, so I've been trying to have more "Mommy and Zachary Time."  I've also been putting him to bed more often (I had to stop for awhile because he started crying and whining for me to stay in his room until he fell asleep - he didn't have the same demands for dad).  At bedtime, we read books, and then turn out the lights and sing a few songs.  He's been asking me to make some up after he gives me the topic for the song.  Last night, we had songs based on "bulldozers and excavators," "running" and "watermelon."  The songs are always groundbreaking and clever if I do say so myself.  Take, for example, this song, based on Zachary's request for a "robot" song:

Zachary has a robot shirt
A robot shirt
A robot shirt
Zachary has a robot shirt
It goes "beep, beep, boop, boop."

Zachary has a robot shirt
It's gray and red
The robot shirt
Zachary has a robot shirt
It goes "beep, beep, boop, boop."

Am I good, or what? 

Roar:  Roar has been having two-a-day football practices for the last few weeks, and they're finally back to one-a-days.  He made the varsity team and is playing the linebacker position.  He's being challenged, and has had some setbacks, but ultimately, I think that these challenges are going to teach him to work harder. 

As for how he's handling his brother and sister, true to form, he's an awesome big brother.  Don't get me wrong, caring for babies is not his favorite thing, but he's loving and very helpful when we need him.  He gets bottles, feeds, burps, rocks, and swaddles -- he does everything but change poopy diapers because they make him want to vomit.  Therefore, we've made him change a couple just for some comic relief. 

The Husband:  Just one quick note -- This man is the disciplinarian, the enforcer.  But when he wakes up in the middle of the night every night for feedings, he always gives the babies kisses and tells them that he loves them.  We also have some very good conversations at 3 am, like this one from last night:

Husband: Do you know what's so contagious that you can catch it even through the tv?
Me: No.
Husband:  A yawn.
Me:  Oh.

These are days (and nights) to remember.

Getting the hang of things. Maybe.

I'm writing this while holding two babies.  I am amazing.  (I am aware that a comment like that is just inviting spit-up in my mouth, but it needed to be said because at this moment I am a superstar.)

For those of you who've known me for awhile, try to contain your disturbance at my ham-like arms.  I officially started at Physician's Weight Loss Centers on Monday.  It's a crock, but I'm down two pounds.  Much more to go.  I'll keep you updated.

I've discovered that the babies' happy place is the same as Roar's:  the bathroom.  I turn on the fan and they can lie there contentedly for literally minutes at a time.  :)  Yesterday, I put them on the floor to get ready for a bath, and I made a spur of the moment decision to enjoy the tranquility.  I brushed my teeth, put in contacts, and even tempted fate by taking the time to change out of pajamas.  Later, I was punished with spit up in my mouth.

Quietly plotting their revenge.

Even Zachary seems to have decided that the two interlopers aren't all bad.  Unlike the first couple of weeks of their arrival, he now calls both babies by name (instead of "Conor" and "The Other One").  He also now only looks moderately dejected, rather than completely heartbroken, when I'm holding one or both of them (he still regularly says, however, "I want to hold you, Mommy!" when I've got one of them in my lap).  And finally, he enjoys giving them kisses (regular, Eskimo, and butterfly) -- either that, or he just appreciates the "Awwwww!" that he gets from me in response.  Either way, these are good signs that I may not have to pay for therapy for him. 

Kissing "Sah-manfa!"

More often than not, I still feel completely out of my element, like yesterday, when I was holding two babies (and had not yet thought of the baby carrier) and had to try to grab the phone with my toes.  But we're plugging along.