I have something I need to get off of my chest:
Last August -- before I was pregnant with Samantha and Conor -- I was pregnant with Madeline. We lost her before I saw her heartbeat on an ultrasound, before the Husband and I had a chance to fight over names, and long before someone could even confirm her gender. This was also long before viability, and I didn't talk about her openly because she was not real to a lot of people. I make absolutely no judgment about that.
But she was real to me.
She was my first daughter. I didn't need to see her face to feel her spirit. I still feel her, actually. I still think about her, still love her, and still miss her. And I feel like I have done her wrong by not acknowledging all of those things out loud.
So that's it. Today, for some reason, I just needed to tell you that I once had a daughter, and her name was Madeline.
I think it's great that you took time to acknowledge Madeline. It is obvious that she was special and even though the world didn't get to meet her that doesn't mean she did not have an impact. And for all of us who lost a child at some point in their lives, I simply say Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this today.
ReplyDeleteHUGS to you and I'm so sorry. This was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteCRYING over here!!! I loved Madeline too. And I'm glad I finally know her name. She will always be real to me, friend.
ReplyDeleteJust read this again and wanted to say how much I wish we lived closer so that I could give you a hug. :-(
ReplyDeleteNote: I am braving the stupid computer verification thing to post this! That's how much I wanted to say it.